i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
