how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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