I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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