you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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