So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
