we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
