Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
