Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
