toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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