i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
