I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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