I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
