Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
