why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
