I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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