So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
