The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
