Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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