This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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