I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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