The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
