how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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