you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
