im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
