Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
