Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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