I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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