i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
