someone threw a dead crab at me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
accomplished twins. life is a go
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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