best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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