super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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