We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My pussy is not your playground.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
