her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
