Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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