So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
