did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
