I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You ruined the universe
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