Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
