if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
