I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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