Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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