I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
