Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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