maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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