I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
