I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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