we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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