dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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