I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
