dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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