U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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