Tell her she can't have a vagina
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
