pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
...so i touched it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
