i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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