The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
