You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
