Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
