we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
