you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
